15 MayTouched by an Alien 23/52

Trying to beef up our science fiction section at work, we’ve been ordering more of a variety of scifi books. One of those to come in caught my eye: Alien Tango. The cover artwork looked really cool and the blurb on the back appealed to me. Checking to see if it was apart of a series, I found that it was book two. Wanting to start at the beginning I ordered book one, Touched by an Alien by Gini Koch.

Yeah, you can laugh. I couldn’t take the title seriously either. Who names a book that?

Against my better judgment I ordered the book anyway, figuring it was worth a shot to see what it was like. I’ve been wanting to expand my own scifi repertoire anyway.

Yeaaaah… the title wasn’t the only thing bad about this book.

Touched by an Alien centers around Katherine Katt (Kitty for short. …. Yes I’m serious). She’s heading home from jury duty when suddenly this big nasty alien shows up. Instead of running for her life, she grabs a ballpoint pen from her purse and kills the alien. Then these “Men in Black” type guys show up, and woosh her away to a secure facility where they give her the grand tour. Suddenly she is one of them, and is up against more nasty aliens.

. . . now where do I start. I’ve never read such an awful book in my life! This book is nothing but a giant cliché.

Lets start with her name. It would one thing if her nickname was simply Kitty, that I can deal with. But the fact that her last name is Katt is a giant eyeroll inducer. You can’t take her seriously the rest of the book.

Then there’s the fact that she can kill an alien with a pen, and then all she cares about is getting the pen back.

The Men in Black types – who turn out to be aliens as well – are all utterly gorgeous. They have super speed, big muscles, and are brainiacs. Despite their super abilities compared to humans, they are bumbling idiots. Having been operating on Earth since the 40s, they don’t seem to be able to do anything right. It’s not until Kitty comes onto the scene do they manage to truly get things done. She is the one with all the bright ideas. It’s like nobody else can think!

And of course, after two days of knowing the main alien, Kitty falls in love with him and they sleep together.

Now, the premise of the story isn’t bad and there is potential for it to be pretty good. But the execution of it is terrible. I could have read better stories on the web.

In all honesty this book is a joke. Don’t bother picking it up.

Zero Stars.

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